Your Heart Is Mine (Our Hearts Are Lost Book 1) Read online

  I looked around, then pointed to myself, as if to ask if they meant me.

  The first girl nodded. “Yes! You!”

  This probably wouldn’t go well, but I was curious as to what they wanted to say.

  I crossed the grass and stopped in front of them. “Um, hi.”

  The girl smiled. “Hey. You’re the new kid, I take it?”

  I nodded. “Yup.”

  “Thought so. I’m Bird. This—” She pointed to the second girl. “—is Rosita. We hang out with her as part of our charity work.”

  The girl smacked her. “Hey, shut the hell up.”

  Bird smiled warmly. “I love you, even though you’re annoying.”

  If she didn’t make it so clear that they had been kidding, I would have been far more uncomfortable. Thankfully, all three girls giggled.

  Bird went on. “And Hillary.” She pointed to the other girl. “Your turn.”

  “Rocelyn,” I said, nervously. “Everyone calls me Lynn.”

  “Perfect. Sit with us, Lynn.” She patted the grass beside her. They each had a tray that they moved out of the way.

  I hesitated, but I took the seat. I faced them, setting my tray down. “Thanks. I guess I would have been sitting alone if you hadn’t called me over.”

  Bird shrugged. “No problem. I wanted to get to you before the vultures did. Sorry that you can’t meet the boys. They’re retaking a test they missed. You can meet them tomorrow. Hand me your schedule.” She held her hand out.

  I fumbled to do as she asked, getting the paper out of my pocket and handing it over to her.

  She clicked her tongue as she scanned it. “We have fourth and seventh together. You have fifth with Hill and second with Rosita.” She handed the paper back to me. “Good for you. Friends all over.”

  “All right,” I said, sounding spent. “Am I missing a joke or something?”

  Bird looked at me curiously. “A joke?”

  “Yeah. I’ve been here half a day and you decide you wanna talk to me. Why?”

  She smiled. “Do you have such low self-esteem that you don’t think anybody would want to talk to you?”

  I matched her tone. “No, but I’ve known enough people to know that there’s a reason for everything.”

  The smile turned into a smirk and an arched brow. “All right, ya got me. I like things that are new and shiny. You, my dear, are both of those things. Either I let someone else play with you, or I keep you for myself. Problem with that?”

  “You want to talk to me because I’m the new kid?”

  “For now,” she said, sweetly. “If you give us a reason to keep talking to you, then we will. How about you tell us where you’re from?”

  I could either walk alone for the rest of the year or walk down the road with these three people. They seemed almost nice. I really couldn’t judge them until I got to know them. Nothing wrong with a trial run.

  “I moved from Portland this time,” I said.

  “This time?” Hillary asked with a mouth full of food.

  “Yeah. I move a lot. My parents work for a company that needs them all over. This is the last time for me, though. I’m going to culinary school in the fall.”

  Rosita smiled. “You can cook?”

  I nodded. “It’s my favorite thing to do. My nanny used to cook with me. I learned everything from her.”

  Bird tilted her head. “Rich girl?”

  “Um, I guess.”

  “Great!” She lit up. “Then you’ll fit right in. Did your daddy give you a credit card?”

  I cleared my throat. “Well, yeah. I never use it though.”

  “Would he be pissed if you did?”

  I sighed. “He probably wouldn’t even notice.”

  “Perfect.”

  She launched into a vivid description of the stores she liked best. She claimed that they’d be worth the drive. I had never been one for shopping, so I didn’t see the appeal. At least my mom would be happy that I made friends. Though it would seem I stumbled upon the popular girls in a school full of popular girls.

  This should work out poorly.

  CHAPTER THREE:

  Another Bright Red Day

  Isaiah

  “Don’t look at me like that,” I told my puppy. He sat on the floor beside the kitchen table, imploring me to share my breakfast. His massive eyes locked on mine, and he showed me all the love in his little body. If only that mattered.

  I tossed him a piece of toast, and he barked at me before nudging his head at my leg and digging into the toast. Such a small thing made him so, so happy. He would be happy for the rest of the day now. I wished I knew what that felt like.

  Whatever went wrong in my brain decided to take my pleasure center down with it. Satisfaction, the ability to be sated, I could only feel for a few moments at a time. Then I slipped back into melancholy. I lived for those few moments. The light. I felt it when I heard the last breath of whoever passed by me at the wrong time. Like rapture.

  But it felt like nothing more than a tease.

  The universe saw me as an abomination, so it gave me bliss for only a second. It wanted me to know what I couldn’t have — what I couldn’t keep — before it took the feeling back.

  When Blue finished with his toast, he laid on my foot and looked up at me with that overwhelming love that only an animal could experience. Love itself seemed entirely animalistic; pure and reckless and far too much. It figured that something with lack of control would love so easily.

  I bent to pet the dog on his head, then he let his tongue fall out of his mouth. He rolled onto his stomach, directing me to where he thought he deserved pets. Such trust he had in me.

  I gave him what he wanted.

  After I finished eating and giving Blue the attention he so desperately needed, I had to get dressed for Hell Day. As I buttoned up my shirt, Blue traipsed into my bedroom and flopped down in his bed. With a yawn, he rolled onto his back and fell asleep. He wouldn’t need me for the rest of the day, but I left the radio on for him. With my gun at my side and the desire to use it, I left my home.

  I found driving difficult at the moment. My focus still split into a million directions. More than twelve weeks. It’s… unhealthy. Unhealthy for me at least. I stopped thinking clearly, only leaving myself with a quiet rage that needed to be soothed. Every moment of every day felt like nails being pounded into my head.

  The sheriff forced me to patrol the high school. I had to make sure that a killer didn’t harm children. That never ceased to be funny. Yes, send the maniac to save them from another maniac.

  I’d spend the day wandering around and checking in on people. I used to bring a Game Boy with me, but the first time someone caught me with it, the sheriff scolded me. I would have killed the teacher if she hadn’t been pregnant.

  After I parked, I stared out at the students walking to class. They had such smiles on their faces. They had no worries in their simple lives. I could remember being that age, and how detached I felt from the people around me. They sensed it. It had been why no one would look me in the eye. They saw something wrong. Natural instincts protected them from the predator.

  The bell rang as I got out of my car. The students rushed through the doors and into their classrooms. I could take my time. I even got a couple of candy bars from the machine before I started walking around the school.

  I ate as I went over every inch of the building. I caught sight of the homeless man that sometimes hung out by the school. He didn’t seem to like being in the shelter located nearby. I didn’t bother telling him to get lost. He didn’t harm anyone by being there. It took about a half hour to check everything. Wouldn’t ya know it, only one serial killer in the whole damn place. Thank goodness for small favors. Still, I kept walking around. If the teachers thought I slacked off, I would get in trouble.

  With the students in class, I had little to do. It left me flush with too much time to think about what I hadn’t been doing. It made my fingers twitch when I saw a shadow mov
e. They wanted to reach out and end something, but nothing moved within my grasp.

  I made it halfway through the day to nearly lunchtime, but I couldn’t leave the campus. Before the little bastards shuffled in, I went into the cafeteria to find something halfway edible. They served pizza, so I took a chance. I ate alone, like a creepy guy in a park. I felt that way. Like a monster stuck in this building of adolescents. The big bad wolf. It never stopped feeling like that.

  I just finished eating when the bell rang and I heard the students coming. I rushed to get the tray disposed of and moved out of the way before the stampede came through. They got vicious when hungry.

  I stood off to the side, watching them as they pushed and shoved their way into lines outside. I could see into the open building from where I stood. I caught sight of the little group of devils as they managed to part the crowd with their presence. I’d recognize the shrill giggles of Bird Marco anywhere. I watched her at the head of her flock with her arms around a stranger. I knew every student in this school, and I did not know this girl.

  This girl.

  I stared at her, and I didn’t entirely know why. New. That had to be it. She was new, and far too soft for the company she kept. I knew within a moment. More than her features, it radiated from her soul.

  She allowed long orange curls to fall all around her, and Bird’s arm crushed them to her shoulder. A perfect contrast to the two human beings. But the girl… she had huge evergreen eyes. I could see everything in her eyes. Her freckles framed them. Each freckle delicate and perfectly placed. Her porcelain white skin looked just as delicate.

  As she walked, those eyes looked slightly panicked. My eyes went to her lips when she bit the bottom one. Her upper lip looked soft and full, while the lower seemed thinner. It hid under her upper lip, as if it could keep her focused on the here and now.

  The slow motion stopped when she walked right past me as if I didn’t exist. That was a good thing. I needed to live as a ghost in as many ways as I could. Still, I wanted her green eyes to look across the grass and land on mine.

  That want went unfulfilled.

  I watched the group vanish into the crowd and I wondered why someone so gentle would be with people so harsh. Like water and oil, they simply didn’t go together.

  I shook it off because I couldn’t fathom why I thought something like that to begin with. I didn’t care about the lives of these children. Not when I had my own half-life to lead.

  The students got their lunches and took their places in the grass. I didn’t know why the school allowed them to eat out in the open. If the parents worried about them being exposed, this would be how it happened. Anyone could come, or anyone could go.

  I pretended not to notice the new girl coming toward me. She and the queen led her minions. They had all gone to school; the girls and the boys. I knew every face in the school and I knew most of the names. A curse from being there all the time.

  Seth and Axel trailed the girls. I couldn’t remember their last names, but I knew Seth’s brother used to enjoy locking kids in dumpsters after school so that no one would find them until the janitor came. That whole family didn’t have a drop of warmth in them.

  Axel was Rosita’s older brother. He had been held back for skipping out on every test he’d had since sophomore year. His parents must’ve been so proud. The boy looked almost identical to his sister. Seth, I believed, dated Bird. I only knew because I’d patrolled the grounds too many times, and I’d caught them… too many times. I wished I’d never seen Seth’s ass, but unfortunately, I couldn’t un-see it. At least he had always been considerate enough to use his body to cover Bird’s when I did catch them. Not that I cared to look. The boy had dark hair, skin, and eyes to go with his athletic body. He and Axel played most of the sports, and they did the best on whatever team they joined. With football season over, they had started playing basketball.

  Christ, I knew too much about these people.

  The group sat in the grass underneath a tree. The girl with orange hair looked so lost among them. Her eyes darted around, unsure of where to land. She fidgeted, trying to get comfortable. The poor little thing tugged at her dress, thinking that would fix it.

  It did something else.

  The fabric moved down on her chest, giving a brief peek at her cleavage. My eyes locked on it for a moment before they moved back up, taking in the smoothness of her skin, the curve of her shoulders, the way they led to her neck, made up completely of soft skin covered in little freckles.

  And then she looked up at me. I only let it happen for a second, but her eyes caught mine. My gaze dropped before she could think I had been staring.

  I heard a cackle from Bird and her little bees that made me roll my eyes. I didn’t care if she heard the world’s best joke; it couldn’t have been funny enough to laugh like that.

  Something made me look up. I caught the girl smiling, looking through her eyelashes. I could have sworn she smiled at me. One of those smiles that you have despite yourself. She bit her bottom lip and turned her head when one of the bees tapped her shoulder.

  I wanted to leave almost as much as I wanted to stay. I still had three more hours, and it felt like far too much. My skin crawled, and I had to close my eyes so that I could remember why I needed to put on this costume and play this part. The good man. A man who had dedicated his life to helping others. I’d decided to take that roll on. Everyone needed to see me as a hero. Not someone counting freckles.

  A few students at the tables started getting up to leave and it made me check my watch. The lunch hour flew by, and I honestly didn’t know where the time went. Then a few others got up, including the boys and one of the bees. Seth kissed Bird goodbye and led his followers past me, back into the building.

  The little bastards left their trays on the ground and when the queen and the girl stood up, the girl went to collect them. Huh. Odd behavior for a teenager. Even the queen left her trash on the ground, and I could hear her actively trying to get the girl to do the same. She spoke much quieter, so I couldn’t hear her response. I saw her gather the trays and dump them in the closest trashcan. Bird handed hers over, and the girl tossed it without hesitation.

  I stared at the ground as they came near me.

  “Mmm, hey, Deputy. How are you today?” Bird purred.

  I sighed and forced myself to look at her. “I’m fine, Bird. Why don’t you get to class?”

  “I have a free period.” She winked at me.

  The girl beside Bird shuffled on her feet, eager to get out of there. Bird didn’t pay attention. She grabbed the girl by the shoulders and pulled her close. “Easy, darling. You won’t be late for class.”

  The girl squirmed out of her arms. “Prove it.”

  Her voice sounded soft, like I thought it would be without realizing I’d thought about it. As soon as she finished talking, her upper lip trapped the lower one again, like sealing her lips would somehow undo the words she must have found offensive. As if she worried she’d be punished for them.

  Bird wrinkled her nose at the mouthiness. “So funny. But I’m being rude.” She put her hand on my chest and it took a lot of self-control not to break her wrist. “This is a friend of mine. He’s Deputy Barker, but I like to call him Izzy. He loves it.”

  I glared at her. “I have a Taser on me right now.”

  The girl smiled and pressed her lips together, looking away before Bird could catch her. She cleared her throat to stop the laugh.

  Bird removed her hand. “I love when you get feisty.”

  I arched an eyebrow and spoke flatly. “No, you really wouldn’t.” She did not know feisty.

  The girl leaned to Bird. “He’s not a guard outside Buckingham Palace. He might actually be allowed to hit you.”

  I lifted my eyebrow at the girl. “I am.”

  She smiled at the ground.

  Bird rolled her eyes. “Izzy, this is Lynn, my new pet. Lynn, say hi to the pretty man.”

  Lynn’s eyes flickered up
to mine. “I’m sorry about this.”

  Bird gasped dramatically. “Rude. Tell her off, Izzy.”

  I smirked. “Nice to meet you, Lynn.”

  Bird cocked her hip out as she crossed her arms. “Lynn, me and the deputy have a special bond. So take his words as him telling you off.”

  I shook my head. “I wasn’t. And don’t call me Izzy.”

  She groaned. “Oh my God, but your name is so old man-ish. Isaiah. Blah.”

  Lynn shrugged and spoke almost too softly for me to hear. “I like it. God is salvation.”

  Bird’s face tightened. “Um, what?”

  Lynn looked up nervously, eyes darting from me to Bird. “It’s what it means. Yahweh is salvation. I went to church with my best friend growing up,” she said by way of explanation.

  “What the hell is a Yahweh?”

  Lynn’s nose twitched and she chewed the corner of her lip. “God.”

  Bird nodded. “Oh. Do me next. What does my name mean?”

  An expression flashed across Lynn’s eyes that only lasted a second, but it looked mocking. Amused. It made the corner of my lips turn up. “Flying thing.” She sneered. “Bird means bird. Sorry.”

  Bird frowned. “Boring.”

  Bird started ranting about something, but I kept my eyes on Lynn as her attention wavered. She rocked back and forth on her feet, watching the ground like she waited for it to do something entertaining.

  Bird yanked on Lynn’s hand. “All right, we should head out. I wanna get some coffee before we go back to class.” She started dragging Lynn away without another word to me. The girl turned in the middle of Bird’s rant and waved at me. I returned it with half a smile.

  When I could finally leave the school, I couldn’t have left faster. I broke the rules, leaving five minutes after class ended. My orders had been to stay an hour after, just in case, but I couldn’t do that. Not with these people.

  I didn’t remember the creep-crawly feeling that had been consuming me until after I pulled out of the school parking lot. It almost felt like it had gone on vacation, but it decided to come back now. It came back worse than before. Like I detoxed and the sudden hit became too much for me to bear. Soon. It had to happen soon. Or something bad would happen to more people than just me.